Re: And I'm Still Thinking About You Where I'm There.

My friend Lyndsay is an actress and to make ends meet between performances, she works part time at one of those big modeling agencies here in the city. Her part time status makes her the ideal midday and mid-week playmate. During lunch with her on Friday, I started in with my whole Zach Galifianakis obsession:

Me: I really want Zach to impregnate me. I don't even care about the money that might come with it, but I think deep down, I'm a starfucker. Like that guy over there?

Lyndsay: That nasty one?

Me: Yes. If he were funny and famous or in a cool band or even just some pretentious downtown artist, I'd fuck him.

Lyndsay: You used to date one of those...

Me: Which one?

Lyndsay: The pretentious downtown artist one.

Me: Oh, yeah, I guess so... but back to Zach. I think he is beyond sexy.

Lyndsay: Don't - he's a modelizer.

Me: Really? That's upsetting.

Lyndsay: He used to date this model we represent at the agency and he thought she looked ugly with short hair, so we could never send her on hair related shoots, because she had to keep it long for him...

Me: Ew! This is horrible! How could he be like that? This is ruining my dreams of carrying his bastard child.

Lyndsay: Not only that but he really broke her, destroyed her... she had a nervous breakdown when he dumped her and she had to leave the city for awhile. Who does this remind me of....

Me: Hush, funny girl. So how is she now?

Lyndsay: Well, she tried to kill herself over him, but she seems to be better - she cut her hair off and now it's even shorter than yours. Guess it was her way of liberating herself.

Me: I just still can't believe someone who looks like Zach would be that way. I mean, I think he's hot and funny, but he's so furry and has a belly and...

Lyndsay: No, he doesn't.

Me: Um, yes, he does. I only look at photos of him like thirty times a day...

Lyndsay: No, he's thin, but doesn't have a chin. He's...yuck...

Me: Are you high? He has a huge belly and it's hot!

Lyndsay: No, he doesn't. He used to come to the shoots and monitor her and she'd fawn over him like a stupid puppy. Actually like you did that one time you met Conor Oberst...

Me: That was like a decade ago! I wouldn't fawn over him anymore... he's too mainstream for my taste.

Lyndsay: And Zach isn't? He was in that stupid show Scrubs... that's pretty fucking mainstream to me.

Me: Like he had a guest appearance? I never saw that show.

Lyndsay: No, he was the star... oh, shit, wait... I'm thinking of Zach Braff! This whole time I've been thinking about him! I was really thinking you had lost your mind and was starting to feel uncomfortable that obsessing over Zach Braff was what your life had become...

Me: I'm really insulted right now, to be honest.

Lyndsay: I know. I'm sorry, and yes, you should be.

Me: So looking up photos of Zach Galifianakis several times a day is cool then?

Lyndsay: Yeah, totally normal! And wanting to have his babies is really good goal; unrealistic, but good.

Me: Why unrealistic?

Lyndsay: Because he's a modelizer... they all are...