I've spent several days with my parents at the beach and am now ready to run like hell away from them and back to the pretty city. In celebration of family, I have compiled some of family's award-winning quotes from this latest visit:
"I thought I had two daughters, but when I look at you I realize that you have no idea you're a girl." - mom to me.
"You really need to stop spending money on underwear - it's not like anyone besides you sees it anyway." - mom to me.
"You should seriously think about marrying for money instead of love. You never really had luck in the love category anyway." - dad to me.
"Sometimes I wish my life were like Tom Cruise's in the Last Samurai, wouldn't that be cool?" - dad.
"My son associates pickles and dancing on the coffee table with you... what does that say about your auntie ability?" - my sister to me.
"You're not technically a loser, because you dress better than a loser." - my sister to me.
"It's like you're the whore, she's the saint and we're all in that really good movie with Ray Liotta and Robert DeNiro!" - my sister to me.
"Mandy is quoting dead people at me again." - my sister to mom.
"I'd really appreciate it if you didn't share everything with me... there are some things a mother isn't supposed to know, and that's one of them. It's bad enough I know you had sex... once." - mom to me.
"I think I've found the dress I'm going to wear when I'm your maid of honor in 2035...god, I'm funny." - my sister to me.
To summarize, my dad wants to be a samurai, my mom is annoyed that I'm not more girly and my sister is planning my future wedding... oh, the bourgeois trite shite of it all...
8 comments:
Family has no reason to censor what they say to you. It's not like you are going to disown them, right? LOL
exactly, shondira...oh, the horror of it all!
i revel in bourgeois triteness. i'd buy the perfume if it existed.
The best quote from my last family visit was from my 87 year old great aunt, discussing my cousin's twice ex-wife (yes, he married and divorced her twice), "She is a whore. With a capital H." No one had the a heart to tell my dear great aunt that she meant W. And, even if we wanted to tell her, we were laughing too hard.
alissa! i just blew iced coffee all over my computer screen from laughing so hard...brilliant! i'd like to have your great aunt over for tea...
You would love her, she is amazing. She always wears the most fabulous wigs and has more high heeled boots than anyone I know. She converted a spare bedroom into a gigantic walk-in closet/dressing room. Maybe I should convince her we should visit New York instead of Hawaii this winter!
i imagine if she's that into clothes, then nyc is right up her alley...and a shorter flight! just throwing that out there...
I will suggest it next time I talk to her :-)
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