Re: The God Loving/Fearing/Worshipping Atheist.

On Sunday, after too much sake and even more beer in our hands, Swede and I attended a friend's rooftop party in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. We have learned from prior experience that no one consumes alcohol in the sun quite the way we do, so although the party was stocked with beer and food, we thought it responsible and polite to bring our own refreshments so as not to take from the other party goers. We were not there more than ten minutes when Swede spied the inflatable kiddie pool in the corner and made a beeline for it; this is where he stayed for the next couple hours, beer in hand, trying his best to not drown in the six inches of water. It was also from this spot that he felt he had optimal view of "all the hot womens, bitches," despite there not being one in sight. Not long after setting up shop just on the other side of the pool, I somehow started talking to a fella (with the nastiest snaggle-teeth this side of the Maxon Dixon) about religion:

Snaggle Tooth: I'm an atheist who believes in God.

Me: Come again?

Snaggle Tooth: I was raised Catholic, realized I was an atheist and have decided I believe in God now.

Me: How does that make any sense? I was always under the impression that "theism" was the belief in at least one god, so to be an atheist kinda goes against believing in god.

Snaggle Tooth: You were under the delusion, you mean.

Me: Nope, I'm pretty sure I meant impression.

Snaggle Tooth: Well, as an atheist who believes in God, I'm telling you it exists.

Me: Do you know any others who believe this way?

Snaggle Tooth: No, I don't, but I'm sure I will in time.

Me: So you basically invented it...

Snaggle Tooth: No, I didn't.

Me: You kinda did. You can't take the meaning of a word and change it to fit your life. That's like if I told you I was gay, although I'm straight because I decided it meant something different.

Snaggle Tooth: Why are you bringing sexuality into this?

Me: I'm not. I'm just giving you an example.

Snaggle Tooth: I just feel that men and women aren't supposed to be together because we fight, so evolution doesn't hold any water for me. Believing in God allows me to see outside the confines of evolution.

Me: Okay...(while looking down at my beer and wondering exactly how much I had had to drink that afternoon)

Snaggle Tooth: You know, this is why I don't talk about my beliefs at a party. It was good meeting you, I'm going to walk over this way.

Me: Okay, have a nice time. Swede, do you believe that guy?

Swede: What guy?

Me: The furry one...

Swede: Yeah, I wasn't paying attention...freckles...

Me: What?

Swede: That's your one redeeming quality...

Me: Whatever, I'm going to the bathroom...good luck trying to find anyone else to talk to you. Oh, and try to stay in the shallow end...I'm not lugging your drowned body down Bedford Ave later, ass.