Re: Kenneth Pop, You Give Me a Hard-On...(thanks!)

Spam. It's a bitch. But I still can't tell if this is spam or just a scam...either way, this is my second job response like this in less than two weeks. I left the email in for those of you who wanna have a lil' fun with it, and I've included my commentary in red italics:

rom kenneth pop to amanda date Mon, Apr 26, 2010 at 5:48 PM subject Re: Administrative Assistant

5:48 PM (4 hours ago)

Hello,

Thanks for applying for the post, I did appreciate it? I received and read your e-mail and it's reasonable and acceptable So I will give this GO" (go? what the fuck does that even mean? where are we going? because if it's some place with a beach, I'm all for it...)

Am a Commercial Interior Deesinger (you know it's a problem when you can't spell your own job title...it's all good though, I can't spell my title when I'm half in the bag, too...)....I design healthcare/medical spaces, commercial office space, hotel renovations, multi-
family / condos..I'm looking for someone that can be trusted and reliable to work very well and with good understanding (je ne comprends pas this sentence...we're off to a rocky start, Kenny.).This position is home-based at my home and flexible, working with me is basically about instructions and following them,my only fear is that I may come at you impromptu (someone whipped out the thesaurus for this guy!) sometimes, so I need someone who can be able to meet up with my irregular movements and timings (this sounds like something to do with your bowel movements, I'm do not approve.).as Personal Assistant,your activities amongst other things will include;

*Ruining personals (my gift is in ruining everything I touch, I'm like Death, but less bony.), supervisions and monitoring. Scheduling programmes, fights (anger management classes can help, fyi...) and keeping me up to date with
them.acting as an alternative telephone correspondence while I'm way.
Making regular contacts and drop-offs on my behalf. Handling and monitoring some of my financial activities..(yeah, I don't have words for this choppy mayhem...all I read was "I'm an idiot who can't communicate properly and want you to run drugs over the border...")

Basic wage is $1600 Weekly (really? how generous! my Balenciaga bag fund is back on, bitches!)

I'm sure you'll understand I tend to have very busy schedule at this point,as I am presently in Australia, I will be back in Three Weeks.I think your the right person For this position,Please note that this position is not office based for now unless it be me office
because of my frequent travels and tight schedules, it's a part-time work from my home and the flexibility means that there will be brusier weeks (brusier? does this mean you're gonna smack me around a wee bit? just as long as you tie me up first...) than others, so it's a little difficult judging the exact number of hoursYou be doing per week.If you manage your time properly,this job may even give you some extras while you do something else on the side. as i have said, i want us to get a head START with things as Soon as possible.I do have lots of works piled up presently and a number of unattended chores which you can immediately assist me with, I hope we can meet up with the workload eventually. Permit me to use the coming week to test your efficiency and dilijence towards all this, also to work out your time schedule and fit it to mine. I really need to find the perfect person for this job, I'm confident you can take up the challenge and on the long run we should have a relatively sound working relationship between us.. i'm online most of the time as I hard of hearing (hard of hearing? how convenient for you! I'm missing the bottom half of my right leg, so I can't run so fast...special needs could be our bonding point...) so prefer we contact each other through E-mails,but if there is need for me call, I will be glad to do that.I am glad you are willing work with me and i promise to be a good, gentle boss. (so there's sex involved...awesome...please refer to my above sexual requirements.) I am glad on the commitment in working.I have been checking my files and what i would want you to do for me this week is to run some errands out to some of the orphanage home I do that every month payment inform of a Cashier Check/Money Order will be sent over to you from one of my clients and i have some lists to email you once you received the funds,You will make some arrangements by buying some stuff for the kids in the Orphanage (I love me some humanitarian ass!) at any nearest store around you so you can mail them out. I will get you more information on thatI will like you to get back to me with your Contact Details such as: (blah blah, I stopped reading because your lack of grammar made me throw-up in my mouth...)

First Name
Last Name
Street Address
City, State, Zip Code
Cell Phone Number
Home Phone Number
Sexes (yes, I'm both boy and girl, a dash of surprise, too. read: I can impregnate myself, if I want...)

Current OccupationBnakd Name (what is an "OccupationBnakd" exactly? is it German? I do not care for German things...unless it's spätzle or a nice doppelbock at noon on a Monday...)

Alternate Email Address

ALL YOUR INFORMATION SHOULD BE SENT TO: kelvincole02@gmail.com (let the hate emails begin...)

Once have received your contact informatio i will get back to you with the task for this weekUnderstand you will also be paid as well as its important for me to make the necessary steps before i get back from my business trip back to the states.

Hope I am clear wi that.

Get back as soon as possible.

Regards.

Mr. oPop (it takes some kind of genius to misspell your own last name...I salute you, Kenny...)

Now back to that article on why being hungover is pretty, bitches...xo.