Re: Swede and a Lass Walk Into a Bar.

So I'm back in New York...for now.

I unpacked my belongings and settled back into my lovely lil' apartment on East 2nd Street. The first person I saw when I got back...oh, Swede, of course. We were attending the Blue Shoe Girl's birthday at nine, but figured we'd hit up a bar in my neighborhood first...

So a tall Swede and a short French looking lass walk into a bar:

The lass, being quite short, practically a pygmy and considered handicapped due to her height in some states, hands the tall Swede a twenty so he can order them drinks. Having the finest taste in beer, they both get a Sierra Nevada and make their way to a wall where they can lean and scout out the joint.

Being judgmental as two folks can be, Swede and the lass hone in on a few people worthy of a couple of distasteful comments...hush hush style, of course. Then they hit the jackpot: a rather obese man in his early fifties, wearing a blue-green Ralph Lauren sweater is clearly on a date with a petite darling lil' Asian girl who looks like she was plucked from a cool Williamsburg bar. How does this happen, they wonder. Is this Craigslist gone completely wrong? Why is everyone in this bar in a couple but us? Where do the singles hang out? Yes, Swede you would totally get a blowie from that girl if you didn't have to see her face, so quit trying to tell yourself you wouldn't...

So Swede and the lass watch the couple as they do a sort of awkward shuffle around the bar, as people tend to do during a first meeting. The unlikely pair, (the couple, not the Swede and the lass, of course) finally take a seat at a table across from the bar. The darling girl is drinking a very large beer, and the man is drinking something clear. At one point the girl gets up and seems to be trying to order something for the man.

"What is she doing?" asks Swede.

"Girl gonna need something stronger if she's gonna tap that ass later," says the lass. (yes, this is how the lass talks).

The girl finally decides on something and brings it back to the old, ugly, creepy man.

"We should write on a napkin that he slipped a roofie in her drink when she was up!" says Swede.

"Ok!" says the lass. (lass forgot how she's supposed to be mature in 2010.)

So on a napkin, with a cheap blue pen, the lass scrawls: "He slipped a roofie in your drink while you were up at the bar. FYI. - a friend"

Swede and the lass finish their drinks, laughing at how damn witty they are, because they are...

Just before they leave, the lass hands the napkin to Swede. "You do it, " she says.

"No, I thought of it," he says.

"So? I wrote it."

The argument of who should actually deliver the note ensues for a few more minutes.

"Fine! I'll do it," says the lass begrudgingly.

Swede heads for the door, and the lass follows. Right as she passes the table of the odd couple, she drops the napkin in the hands of the darling girl. The lass, not wanting to have to confront the old, nasty guy makes a beeline for the door, but Swede is standing in the way of her escape. Seems Swede doesn't know how to open the door.

"Go! Go!" the lass yells.

"What? You did it?" asks Swede.

"YES!"

The two run out the door, down around the block, duck behind a car or two and keep running until they've agreed they're in a safe, yet suitable distance from the bar. Then they laugh, because they're really that funny, or at least they think they are...