Re: Mandy vs. The American at Notre Dame Cathedral.

American Fella: Parlez-vous l'anglais?

Me: No.

American Fella: But I just heard you on the phone...

(I had been on the phone with my mother telling her how I had just attended mass for the first time in 20 years)

Me: So?

American Fella: But you don't speak English?

Me: No.

American Fella: Are you American?

Me: No. You?

American Fella: Yes. I'm from Michigan.

Me: Great. Je suis très happy pour vous. (insert quick fake Mandy smile)

American Fella: You are American! I can tell by your accent!

Me: Okay, you got me...I am.

American Fella: I'm here with my buddies...they're over there. (points to three equally generic looking fellas) Could you tell I was American, too?

Me: Yep.

American Fella: Really?! How?!

Me: Besides your accent, only American boys wear their jeans that baggy...well, at least outside of New York City.

American Fella: Is that where you're from?

Me: Yep...so it's kinda like not being American. We believe we're better than the rest of the country...* (said very dryly, of course)

American Fella: Haha...you're funny. I've never been. Is it cool? Where do you live in the city?

Me: East Village...

American Fella: I think I've heard of it...

Me: Yeah, well, I have to go now...I'm on a schedule. (while furrowing in disgust)

American Fella: We're staying at the Hotel California, if you want to hang out some time. I'm Sean. (reaches to shake my hand)

Me: You're kidding, right? Hotel California?

American Fella: Haha...no, I'm serious...that's the name.

Me: That's so wrong. I'll see what I can do...my lesbian lover usually keeps me on a short leash. Gotta run. Nice meeting you, Sean.

(I scurry off to get some vin chaud from the cart around the corner stat)

* "New York is a different country. Maybe it ought to have a separate government. Everybody thinks differently...they just don’t know what the hell the rest of the United States is..."

- Henry Ford

Now for some Pomegranate Seeds about my best friend, Thal...