Re: Open Letter to a Stranger on a Plane...

Dear....whatever your name is:

While I know you feel we had some bonding moment shortly before our plane took off, I would like to assure you that the moment has passed.

Yes, it was terribly exciting that our row contained but two of us; and yes, it was rather ingenious that when they were trying to place stand-by flyers we conspired to cough and sneeze and look "grouchy," to use your words, so no one would crowd our empty row...but when you raised your hand to high-five me, the moment slipped away between our fingers.

You see, I'm not for genuine high-fives...high-fives done in a mockery fashion, I embrace with open arms and could probably do several an hour under the right circumstances, but I could tell by your face, and the way you thrust your hand into the air as if giving some sort of sick "Heil Hitler" that there was no mockery in your gesture, just genuine thrill at our success.

Thank you again for offering to buy me my Bloody Mary, but I do no accept beverages from men I don't know unless I'm hoping to fuck them, or if they're celebrities. I only mention the celebrity thing because Mac Boy, Justin Long, once bought a round of drinks for a few friends and I... however, they were accepted due to my allegiance to Apple and Drew Barrymore, as Justin is too short a fella for me to want to do sex unto. Arrogant, isn't it? I'd actually turn down sex with a relatively famous person because of height...height of course, would not be an issue in regards to Billy Crudup of course, as he picks better roles than Justin and is, overall, far superior in both the looks and talent category.

Please stop asking me about the magazines I'm reading. You can see what magazines I'm reading, so why must you ask me what they are? And, in case you didn't notice, I have headphones on and I can't really hear you. Do you know how annoying it is to have to pull out my headphones mid-song and ask "what?" again? Did I mention that I'm trying to submerge myself in this album? Have you ever even heard of The xx? Well, let me tell you they're great and I'm obsessed...and I do not approve of interruptions while I'm obsessing.

I think I've been fair. I think I've been polite, and if you knew me at all, you would understand that this is difficult for me...the politeness, I mean. So I suggest you take those nasty headphones out of the pocket there in front of you and get yourself engaged in that Four Christmases movie that's playing on the lil' movie screens...got it? Should you not oblige, I'll be forced to give new meaning to your word "grouchy" and that's not going to be fun for anyone...

xo.Mandy.

And now a story about holidays at my house...