Yes, the rumors are true: this Angry Office Manager has given her notice.
Teetering on the brink of a nervous breakdown and with a heart broken from recent events, I have decided to say adieu to both this office and New York City. October 28th will be my last day and on November 1st, with a one way ticket to Colorado, I will board a plane and close the chapter on this part of my life. I will sublet my adorable East Village apartment to someone I've never met and I'll walk away...or rather run away.
Let's think of it as an extended vacation, a sabbatical from the daily monotony of this and that...an escape to another way of life. I plan to spend some time in Boulder, then head up to Aspen, onto Big Sky, Montana, then off to San Francisco. I don't know if or when I'll return, but when one starts to drown, they need to know enough to get the fuck out of the pool...I misplaced my towel long ago, but I'd rather stand on the outside shivering wet and cold than continue kicking in the hopes of staying afloat.
I turned 32 two weeks ago, and I think on that day, although hung over as fuck from the night before, I realized that it's time. I once read that a lady always knows when to leave...I do not consider myself a lady, but I'm learning to know when to leave.
You see, I drink too much to compensate for the sadness inside; I take too many pills to balance the imperfections in my brain, and when that's not enough I stand on my fire escape, breathe deeply and try not to jump. And I know it's more than this job, I know it's more than New York City, I know it's more than the chronic disappointment of falling just below par...I'm smart enough to know it's more than all of this, but I'm not smart enough to fix it on my own.
I've never been to Montana. I've only been to Paris once when I was a kid. I've never really been anywhere. The cost of living in New York City makes it difficult to travel, and as much as I love my apartment I just can't sit in it anymore scratching at the walls in the hopes of inventing an escape.
I plan to bring just a single bag with me, and pack up my personal belongings and place them in storage until I can figure out my next step. Perhaps, I'll run away only to return to the city I love more than anything just a few weeks later, or maybe I'll just never return at all...all I know is that in giving myself the option to do either, I've freed myself.
I know I'll cry a lot on my last day...to quote Belle and Sebastian: "I always cry at endings..." but I cry almost everyday lately anyway, so what's new?
xo.Mandy.
PS. I don't know who keeps turning off the air conditioner, but we've got four pregnant women in here who are like walking ovens (literally) and need that AC on...since no one will come forward and admit their guilt, I've locked up the AC unit and hidden the keys...so there.
20 comments:
Congrats! Keep updating and let us know how you are doing and where you land.
Hi Mandy,
Im not a crazy person or anything-but I can sympathize with your plight. I have been in a similar situation and just walking away at times is the only medication you need. email me at shaz.tcb@gmail.com and you have a place to stay when you get to Nor-Cal. Im not in SF, but about 45 miles from it-close by Santa Cruz. Its a good place to start over. Lots of love and hugs, Shaz
Hooray for fresh starts! We'll be happy to have you in Cali. The delicious sun and ocean air- it's a world apart.
It's not that long ago that I stumbled across your blog and bookmarked it because I really liked the way you write. I had a good laugh out of some of your entries, so - at least for me - it's a little sad that you seem to end it now.
But what I actually wanted to say was: all that drinking, taking pills, crying and contemplating suicide - I didn't read too much in it, did I? - doesn't sound too good. I sincerly hope that you know when too much is too much and where to get help. I've got my fingers crossed, that a change of place is enough.
Best Wishes from Europe
In my view, Mandy is a very emotional person. She seems to have high highs and low lows. To me this is a phase brought on by an unfulfilling job and thus is not a cause for alarm. However this is only my opinion!
Best wishes from Canada as well, Mandizzle (fo shizzle)!
Awesome! Not only do I think you're making a very healthy decision, but I think you gave me the kick in the pants I need to pack up and get the f*** out of my city too. Best of luck! Keep your readers updated. :)
I guess I should've clarified that when I mentioned jumping, it was more metaphorically speaking as opposed to literally.
But you are all too sweet and kinda and like I said this is a sabbatical of sorts...wherever I end up, I'm sure I'll be an Office Manager again...and you all know I won't be to keep my opinions to myself when I do land that next job...
But hey, we still have three more weeks of angry rants...so let's not say goodbye just yet...
xo.
But wait...if we are both in California, will the universe implode? I'm concerned.
Honestly, I am very happy for you. It's unwise to quit at the first sign of frustration, but it is infinitely worse to stay in a job that makes you miserable. Or a place, or a relationship, etc, etc.
You might be as hot as Joan, but you have Peggy in your blood. You are a writer, you are creative, you deserve new and better opportunities.
Don't stop writing and definitely drop me an e-mail when you are in California.
I grew up in Montana, near Glacier National Park in Whitefish. Parts of Montana are cool and parts of it are totally lame touristy. Pick carefully.
california mandy...i do have peggy in my blood! that totally made my day!
and i'm so surprised at how many of you are in california...is this a sign that san francisco might be the spot?
who knows...i fucking love this city so much ...however abusive our relationship tends to be, i just can't stop loving it and will probably eventually make my way back here...
Hey jkelsofarrel, I made out with a guy from Whitefish once when I worked at Glacier Park. Do you know Zach? (At least I think that was his name...)
I wish you the best of luck, Mandy!
Montana can be a life changing. You may want to wait until winter is over to enjoy it though. The cold can be pretty depressing and you can't enjoy the hiking like you can in the summer.
i think my stay in montana will be short lived...i'm being told by a friend out there that they're already getting snow...i'm starting to think i watched "into the wild" too many times to be conjuring up these thoughts...
the majority of my time will be spent in boulder with my sister; then california with a friend who's going to berkeley for law school.
but like i said, i'm not saying goodbye yet! i do not plan to leave my post as angry office manager forever...however, november is going to be a perfect month for those of you interested in guest blogging. you all appear to be snarky as hell, and that's the first requirement...and it might be fun to make it a group effort for a bit.
Here's another vote for S.F.! It's a great city. I'm 34 and have lived around here almost the whole time. I think you'll like it because people are so liberal in a lot of ways, and there are certainly a lot of things to make fun of. We're an odd bunch, maybe, but very welcoming. We should have an "angry office manager" happy hour when you get here.
Mandy my Mandy.
I wish you well wherever you land. Thank you for the advance warning it helps that I won't have your whit yanked away this time.
As you wing your way over central Pa roll your eyes and sigh with pity for me and the rest of us stuck being office managers. You will love SF when you get there. Dine at Marakesh for me please.
Swede. Please forgive her for all our sakes.
Your blog will still be the first place I visit every freaking day so step up you guest bloggers.
Mandy,
We don't know one another but we have a mutual friend... MM is our mutual friend.. She hooked me on your blog and I've been reading for a few years now... I hope that you find peace when you are out here in Boulder... Good place to start at least! Take care and I will keep reading because you make me laugh!
Rose
When you are in San Francisco, it is imperative that you go to El Metate on 22nd and Bryant. It is a taqueria that might actually fix many of your problems.
Katie from TN
I also worked in GNP and made out with a boy named Zach. . .perhaps the same one?
Otherwise in my hometown of Whitefish, Zach was as common a name as Madison, Bridger, and Heather so I probably do know him.
i feel like this zach character might be someone i want to meet...
i've never made out with a zach, so this is something i could be quite interested in accomplishing...
I've been a little delinquent in my blog reading lately and was so sad to see that my favorite blogster was going on hiatus. I, too, am an Office Manager in NYC (midtown - ick) and I definitely relate to more of your postings than I'd like to admit to. When I'm having a bad day (er... week) and think that I'm such a loser for the tasks I have to complete on a daily basis, I think of you, Angry Mandy, and will read your blog and it makes me feel better. Like, I'm not in it alone. It's true, misery loves company. Especially when they are as sharp and witty as you. Good luck out there. I totally understand wanting to go out and see what else the world has to offer, that's what led me to NYC. Please keep up with your writing. You are amazing. I think all of these comments truly attest to your ability to capture an audience. Go get em.
Angry Melanie
Angry Mandy:
I have been a silent reader to this point as I just recently stumbled upon your blog while trying to find someone to sympathize with me over the idiocy of certain folks who have their personal packages delivered to the office.
Thanks for your snarkyness and wit. Catching up on all of your old posts has brightened my days and made me more sarcastic and clever (or so a certain co-worker claims). I guess you're rubbing off on me.
I'm also stuck in a job I hate, with people I loath, more skills that could possibly be utilized in my current workplace, sarcasm coming out the ying yang and a penchant towards artistic expression in many forms. No surprise that reading your blog has become my crack.
Huzzah for fresh starts (I'm looking for one myself one of these days). And if you ever find yourself at a loss in Colorado (my home state and the place I love), I can suggest some things that even a New Hampshireite turned New Yorker might enjoy.
Now that we're past that horribly awkward "I love your blog, you're amazing, I swear I'm not a creepy stalker", I'll go back and comment on some of the posts that I just adore. No joke, adore.
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