Stupid Conversation of the Day.

The Shipping Room - Ali, Alex and Mandy are chatting while Ali tapes outgoing packages.

Ali: Mandy told me she was going to be mean to the new girl.

Alex: Really? I’m so surprised…she’s never mean.

Me: No no…Ali, wrote me an email and told me that we should be mean to the new girl because she’s ugly.

Ali: Oh, yeah…I did! Did you look her up on Facebook? She is ugly!

Alex: And her boyfriend is ugly. And old. Old and ugly. My fiancé is old, but at least he’s not ugly.

Me: And he’s rich, so it doesn’t really matter what Steve looks like, does it, Alex?

Alex: He was rich…but then he lost that job. Look at this ring [showing off her engagement ring]…it’s not even three carats? It's embarrassing.

Me: You’re such an asshole.

Ali: I hate this box – it won’t close. [while taping up a package for a messenger]

Alex: You hate that box because it’s not Mandy’s box. Haha…

Me: What the fuck is wrong with you?

Ali: Ew…Alex!

Enter Laura with the day's thought-provoking question.

Laura: Okay – ready?! If you had to have sex with coworkers Michael or Stephen, who would you choose?

Alex: Mandy – I choose Mandy and her box!

Me: Why are you such a lesbian lately?

Laura: I’m being serious…

Ali: I want Wendy's for lunch!

Exit Ali to further ponder her lunch options.

Alex: Michael…he’s ugly, but rich. Who’s Stephen?

Me: The old Irish guy who has teeth like Shane MacGowan.

Alex: Who’s Shane MacGowan?

Laura: You’re dating a guy named Shane?

Me: No! I wouldn’t date an Irishman – they have fucked up teeth. I’m picky about teeth. Shane MacGowan was in the Pogues. Alex, he’s like Bono except ugly and old and is missing pretty much all but one tooth.

Alex: Oh, he’s in U2?

Me: No…I said the Pogues.

Laura: You didn’t answer me: Would you have sex with Michael or Stephen?

Alex: She’d choose me...what's a Pogue?

Me: I’d choose Alex or suicide.

Laura: Suicide isn’t an option – it’s either Michael or Stephen.

Me: Suicide has to be an option...there has to be a third option. In fact, I'll kill myself now just in case I am ever forced to decide between the two of them for fornication purposes.

Laura: You’re so mean.

Alex: Dirty Sanchez…

Me: What?

Alex: I bet the new girl likes the Dirty Sanchez.

Laura: I hate the new girl. Did you see her Facebook? She’s so ugly.

Me: Um, we covered this five minutes ago…

Laura: Really? Look at how I shimmy! [Laura breaks out in a shimmy]

Enter Ali again after a brief altercation with a stupid supervisor.

Ali: I don't know if you guys know this, but she's really stupid.

Alex: Who? Mandy? She's just a dirty slut. 

Me: Alex, I have half a croissant on my desk...why don't you eat it so those laxatives you took this morning won't be a waste...