Re: Hey Pig Piggy Pig Pig Pig.

I lost my virginity to 'What If God Was One of Us' by Joan Osborne. Yes, the music snob lost her virginity to such shit; it was a mistake, of course. I had given my high school boyfriend, who had gone off to Keene State college, a Doors album for his birthday, and by the time we actually did it, the Doors album had finished, and Joan Osborne became the soundtrack of the moment. 

I had grown up listening to The Smiths, and The Pixies. And at that point in my life, I was deeply in love with rare Nirvana b-sides, Built to Spill, My Bloody Valentine, Pavement and Archers of Loaf, among others...so to lose it to Joan Osborne was practically traumatizing.

However, I recall a conversation that I had with my best friend Thal, where we made a list of songs we wanted to lose our virginity to...girls do such things. Close to the top was 'Closer' by Nine Inch Nails...there was something so erotic about the aggressiveness in his voice; a concept that was still very much foreign to me then.

But there is something that is killing the mild sexuality that still remains for me in Trent Reznor's voice...and it's a lil' something called swine flu. I can't tell you why, but every time I hear someone yell out SWINE FLU! I immediately hear in my head "hey pig piggy pig pig pig"...yeah, that's right...I regress to the album The Downward Spiral and that shit is old! I can't walk half a block without some dbag yelling out "SWINE FLU" whenever someone sneezes...argh! Are you fucking kidding me? That's all you got!? Granted the average IQ in this office doesn't exceed 98, but I'm hearing this shit here too. Personally, I'm suffering from a mild case of spring allergies and I can't even sniffle without someone yelling "SWINE FLU!"

While 90% of me would like to keep my high school memories of Nine Inch Nails in tact, the mere 10% of me that is trying really hard to be politically correct and responsible, would like to request that you all shut the fuck up with your poor, unoriginal joke. People have died from this flu and families are mourning their lost loved ones...so although you may not be personally affected by it, why don't you pretend to care and quit being so nonchalant about something that's kinda serious.

Yeah, that's right: give a fucking damn. So novel, right? And since one of you asked me what 'demure' meant the other day, I've included a link of the definition of novel...god forbid any of you have to think for a second or two...

Thanks.

I Don't Eat the Bacon Because I read Charlotte's Web One Too Many Times, 

Mandy.