Re: Fucking Administrative Professionals' Day.

At Office One, I was taken out by my coworkers on Administrative Professionals' Day. I was supplied beer and shots; and was told how unbearable I am to work with on a daily basis. However, this year, I didn't even know it was A.P.D (I'm all about acronyms lately) until I got an email from a friend about it when the day was more than half over.

No flowers, no candies, no adult beverages to be had...not even a single 'thank you' as proof that I'm somewhat an asset. So I stood knee deep in 2006 catalogs in the sub-basement of our office building and said to intern Christina: "I can't believe I went to college for this..." Had I known at eighteen that this is where I'd be at thirty-one, I would've either killed myself, or at the very least skipped out on college. I would've fallen in love with the boy who worked (and still does) at the Getty gas station in my hometown who looks like Conor Oberst; I would've moved into a double-wide, popped out a few ungrateful kids, and succumbed. I wouldn't have these college loans. I wouldn't have this feeling of defeat. And I wouldn't be nursing this hangover today, because I drank an entire bottle of Pinot Noir in a vain attempt to drown my sorrows...and maybe, just maybe, I'd be happy.

But no...I went to college. I racked up 25k in student loans...loans I may never be able to pay off. Occasionally, I get a break in life: every once in a while the guy at the coffee cart tells me my coffee is on him, sometimes my sarcasm will score me a beer from a tattooed stranger at a bar, and every couple months or so I'll pick up a freelance gig and actually get paid for being a writer. And when those moments happen, I'm able to sleep better at night...but when my alarm clock goes off the next morning, and I fumble out of my bed and onto the streets of New York just so I can come here, to this office, and die a little more; I am humbled.

But do I really want to be happy? Happy people are kinda creepy...and I imagine all that smiling is exhausting...and anger just comes naturally to me. I guess I should be thanking all of you for forgetting Administrative Professionals' Day, but that would mean giving you props, and that's just not how I roll...instead, I'll think of ways to ruin your day...

Lots of Kisses,

Mandy.