Re: Gobble. Boggle.

Everyone:

Please note that due to the Thanksgiving holiday, the office will be closing at 230pm today, and will be closed on the Friday after the holiday so you can all try to give our economy a lil' boost by hitting up the malls in your prospective hometowns.

I, for one, am overjoyed to make the four hour drive up to New Hampshire where I plan to lounge, and fake nap on the couch so as to avoid annoying relatives. I've decided that when my aunt inquires 'Mands, you have a boyfriend?' this year, I'm just going to tell her I'm a lesbian, hope my grammy doesn't have a ticker-attack over the comment, push my chair out from the table, grab the bottle of wine and head to the front yard for optimal lounging in place where I can see the stars. Living in New York City makes one miss the stars.

Enjoy your tryptophan comas...

xo.
Mandy.

Cover Letter for Open Position.

Dear Sir or Madam:

I recently heard through the grapevine that you may be looking for a Proposal Writer for your salesteam. I’d like to take a moment to tell you what I can offer your company. I have done freelance writing for the past few years, and am ready to commit myself to a full time writing position.

I had once tried to deny it, but my true love is the construction of sentences, the etymology of words, the gorgeous sound of onomatopoeia and apterous and bliss and elixir and euphemism and jejune and mellifluous, and even banana. It's true: I am a full-blown Verbomaniac. Unfortunately, there is no medication for this addiction. The only thing that satisfies the mania is full on submersion: diving into a pool full of four and five syllable words, splashing nouns and verbs against me, as I blow bubbles of alliteration and palindromes. So, I write. I write about everything and anything…nothing is off limits, even the stuff about which I’ve been begged not to write. Sure, some of it is sacred and will never see the light of day, but as for me, well, I scrawl myself out loud.

So I've got the writing part down...I must admit, however, that I loathe salespeople. I’m not sure why this is…it could be a flaw in my make-up, or merely a result of having high standards for humankind. I hate fake people, people who kiss ass, people who feign interest in stuff like home videos or photos from kids’ first birthday parties. Despite this one setback, I am a professional; but professionalism, like most things in life, is pretty subjective, right?

As I’m sure you will note from my resume, I have worked for your company in the past. I worked for you for almost two years, then was laid off this past July. Since then, I’ve been trying to get back to the office, not because I respect what you do in anyway, but because I miss the people who are still employed there.

I found work just around the corner, as an Office Manager, of course; although I’m like fourteen credits shy of an M.F.A. I'm not bitter...I swear. And while I do find that the owner of the company for which I currently work is far superior to you, [insert former boss' name here], for he is kind, generous, and not a sociopath like yourself; the pockets of my heart have been empty since I was voted off the island, so I would like to come back.

In the past three months, I’ve learned quite a bit. I feel that this new knowledge makes me an ideal candidate for this position:

- companies that have an HR department are no fun
- internships are actually usually paid
- most places will not tolerate the antics of Ms. Cunty/Ms. Piggy
- I finally know what it’s like to be a minority in an office
- my sarcasm can be misconstrued as an ‘attitude problem’ by people who don't 'get me'
- I can now make a mean espresso or cappuccino at a moment’s notice
- Post-It Notes come in all shapes and sizes
- PCs are really tricky to use and less pretty than Macs

- carpet and new flats don't mix, and usually have me on my ass by 10am

- no matter where you go, no one will ever replace the toilet paper or paper towels

- some companies will splurge for birthdays and get f.s. cupcakes instead of a $14.99 ice cream cake from the Associated

- Broadway is by far the worst street in all the city, and maybe even the world too

- I can make a Starbucks gift card last twice as long in the summer than in the winter
- my days are lacking in color since Clifford, Swede and Jennie Klein were subtracted from them

I am proficient in both Mac and PC applications, and have impeccable written skills, although my verbalization leaves much to be desired sometimes. I've worked in fashion, so I can lie and tell you I have a 'thick skin,' but don't be surprised if you catch me in the loo crying at least once a week, especially if I'm hungover. I’m not very good at being a ‘team player’ and usually avoid all team related activities. So while I won’t have much to add to brainstorming meetings, I’ll have plenty to add later when no one is around to witness my genius in action. I’m honest, trust-worthy (unless you fuck me over), dedicated, patient (I once waited in line for six hours to see Godspeed You Black Emperor in mid-January), and can multi-task like it’s nobody’s business…for example, last night I wrote a short story, while listening to the new Her Space Holiday album and watching Family Guy on mute…I mean, that’s talent right there…

If it weren't for a few awesome people you have working at your company, I would have zero interest in applying for this position. I think your company sucks beyond belief and I actually only hope that you stay afloat long for these few awesome people to find something else, something better and of which they are truly worthy.

Please know that I’m anxious to tell you in person what a major asset I can be to your company if given the chance (again). Thank you for your time and consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you.

My resume is attached.

Best,
Mandy.

Re: My Name is Mandy, and I Have a Bad Attitude.

Coworkers:

It has been brought to my attention that someone in this office thinks I have a bad attitude. When I was sat down by Human Resources on Friday and told this information, I was floored. I actually felt my jaw drop and hit the faux wood of the conference table. Me?! I have a bad attitude!? ME!?! I’ve never heard such a load of malarkey in all my life!

I’m sure I’ve been called a lot of things; some of which might be true, and most of which I happen to know are LIES. Yes, I can be a lil' bitchy, but who isn't from time to time? My mom called me an elitist first thing on Sunday morning, later that day my sister called me ridiculous and endearing, Jennie Klein called me dramatic three or four times last week, but that’s because she has yet to learn the difference between sarcasm and unsarcasm, and yeah, that’s a word…I just invented it. Bess in Pittsburgh calls me a rabble-rouser, Mattie told me I was brilliant less than a week ago, Lyndsay stands by her assertion that I’m selfish and sentimental, my dad thinks I’m occasionally negative but usually quite entertaining, my hot Irish super called me a smart ass just this morning…I think, although honestly I can't understand a thing he says to me most of the time. However, a bad attitude? My attitude is so fucking ‘good’ and ‘cheery’ it physically pains me; if the office gave out awards for Most Spirited, I'd surely have that superlative in the bag.

It didn’t take me long to figure out, or rather make an educated assumption, as to who the shit talker is. I guess when one is educated in, and I’m going to quote Jack Nicholson from As Good As It Gets here, “some Panama City ‘sailor wanna hump-hump' bar” it’s difficult to understand things like tone and inflection. I was initially angry, but now I just pity the poor bastard for not having the cojones necessary to come and talk to me himself. If I’ve had at least six hours of sleep, I’m harmless, I swear. Granted, I haven’t had six hours of sleep since I had mononucleosis when I was 19 years old, but I digress.

So congratulations, Evil Informant, you have successfully given me a bad attitude...and like all bad things, it's just going to get worse, and many will suffer. I'll be sure to tell our other coworkers to whom they can send their thank you notes for this new and improved version of me. Thanks!

Kisses,
Mandy.

Re: Think Before You Type. Thanks.

Everyone:

I’m noticing an annoying trend with you people…it seems that I can no longer send out an email regarding the basics of this office without the majority of you responding with some pointless, mundane and unwitty response. This morning I sent out an email to merely remind you energy wasters to shut off the lights whenever you exit the sample room, kitchen, and/or bathroom; and that's where things could have ended, but no. Instead I got a whole slew of stupid responses. In no specific order, they were as follows:

“Lame email.”

“AW AW AW.” (I'm assuming this person was trying to phonetically type out the noise she always makes)

“Jokes on you when someone steps on the dog in the dark and someone sues your ass.”

“I hate you.”

“What does ‘inundate’ mean?”

; )

"I think you spelled the word 'light' wrong."

“I still hate you.”

Seriously, your responses are weak and pretty much suck. Pick up a book by Oscar Wilde, learn the art of wit, then come back at me when you have something worth typing. Oh, and this might be a grand time to point out that smiley faces are pretty much the bane of my existence...just like that LOL shit. Granted, I have like 1,000,000,000 banes, but such is life for a misanthropic in training. Thanks in advance.

"Wit is educated insolence."
- Aristotle.

Ms.Paunts.

Addictive Impulse Messaging.

mandyheartshubbell: do you want to know who i’m lovin' on today?

JMK82: no. i probably hate him.

mandyheartshubbell: Jamie Bell.

JMK82: who’s that?

mandyheartshubbell: he was in a movie i watched this weekend – he was also in Billy Elliot when he was a kid. he has a gorgeous body because he’s all lil’ dancer boy…

JMK82: ew. skinny. we have completely different taste in boys. fyi.

mandyheartshubbell: i know. i have standards and you, well, that’s still up for debate.

JMK82: you’re an ahole.

mandyheartshubbell: and you need a thesaurus. so the mean girls keep trying to add me as their friend on Facebook.

JMK82: haha. block them.

mandyheartshubbell: between them and some white trash girl who wanted to beat me up in junior high trying to add me too, i just can’t handle it!

JMK82: it’s just Facebook. block them all.

mandyheartshubbell: this must be what it’s like to be famous! i bet this is how Marc Jacobs feels every time some douche tries to add him on Facebook.

JMK82: but you’re no Marc Jacobs.

mandyheartshubbell: true. i have boobs, he doesn’t…and he might be taller too.

Re: Confessions of a Former Mean Girl.

I am a reformed Mean Girl. I do not say this with any sort of pride nor regret. It’s just who I once was. I’m sure most of my friends, especially the ones who know me best or have known me the longest, will say I’m still very mean; this is true. I am still pretty mean, but I’ve learned to internalize this meanness, or at least only share it with the ones in my life who have become immune to it.

The height of my Mean Girl ways was in college. I had come out of high school having been a dork. With my pink hair and purple Doc Martens, I spent too much time in the art studios with my friend Cortney who only wore blue Doc Martens. My sister, who was two years behind me in school, was more well known than I was, and when she dated the popular boys in my grade, they were always surprised to find out that she had a sister in their grade.

When I got to college I became a DJ. I was one of only a few girl DJs at the radio station, and being part of the boys' club forced me to go above and beyond to be seen as something besides some lil' freshman girl in Belle and Sebastian tee-shirts. I grew a back bone, learned how to say and love the word 'cock' and became mean.

When I think about the things I said and did to people, to their faces mind you, it almost pains me. My level of cruelty had no limit. I’d hone in on certain people and harass them to no end, I’d tell the victims of my cruelty that they were ugly and useless. I'd start rumors about penis sizes, STDs, and had a bunch of pornography mailed to someone's house. I was always getting in trouble for the offensive emails I would send out to the radio station membership where I’d belittle or degrade certain people. And forget it if I had a few drinks in me…

My mother says I have an acid tongue; and this is something on which I’ve had to work. I still hurt the people closest to me too often, because I’m just naturally a lil' on the evil side. I don’t just drive a proverbial dagger into their hearts, but I twist and pour on the salt, and not just normal salt, but that big salt like you get on one of those soft pretzels from the vendor. And I’ll be the first one to admit that being mean can actually be kinda fun...sorry, but it is.

The Mean Girls in this office remind me of myself, that’s why I both hate them, but also have a soft spot in my cold heart for them. I know they talk shit about me every time I walk past them, and that’s why I call them out on it…if more people had called me out on it, I probably would have quit being such a shit a long time ago.

So let’s start the confessions, shall we? We’ve all been mean at some point, so let’s just get it out in the open. I'm sure even the sweetest of you has been mean at least once in your life...

Here's an example from my past:

When I lived in the dorms, I broke into a bedroom down the hall that belonged to some crazy Christian fanatic, stole all her Christmas decorations, then hauled them out to the quad in front of the building and left them there in a pile of snow. I also was sure to leave her a note that said, “God is Dead.” I was put on probation for this antic…something I managed to keep from my parents.

Whoo...and that's not even the worst of it...that's just something I'm willing admit to...so go ahead, confess that you've been mean, too. It feels good to confess. I promise.

xo.Mandy.

Re: Shining Star of the Month.

Once upon at time, I got a job as an Office Manager in a gorilla marketing company and was awarded the first ever Shining Star of the Month, by fellow coworker Dana. On a day when the air conditioner decided to stop working, wearing a tank top I usually only wear to bed or under sweaters, a photo was taken of me, glued to some purple construction paper, adorned with yellow paper stars and a tradition was born.

Every month, the previous month's Shining Star of the Month would choose a new Shining Star, give a somewhat inappropriate speech about why the new Star was chosen, and yet another construction paper award would be presented, as we all clapped and cheered. It was our one little moment of ridiculousness that upper management couldn't take away from us.

Then one day, we awarded the Shining Star of the Month to Blair and she was fired a few days later...for speaking her mind about the fact that our paychecks were, if I recall correctly, four days late. This was also Swede's first day. I remember because I was shaking with fury over Blair's dismissal as I typed Swede's name in the time clock, and I was corrected when I misspelled his fancy Swedish first name...and yet, despite that first impression Swede remains.

When Blair packed up her belongings, she tore her Shining Star of the Month from the bright orange painted bricks where I had taped it for her, and she said 'At least I can put this on my resume.'

A few months passed and the tradition disappeared. Then Damien gave his notice one day, and we restarted it; we gave it to him before he walked out the door, and let him keep his title the entire month even though he was gone. Clifford got the Shining Star of the Month next, then he gave it to Swede, who gave it back to Clifford, who wanted to give it back to Swede again, but then I was let go so I really didn't have much of a say anymore. However, when I stopped in there on Tuesday, I was delighted to see that someone else had been awarded the Shining Star of the Month and that it continues on...kinda like the Grammy Awards: they're still on every year even though viewership is down to about 50 people and the host is usually someone from a soon-to-be canceled sitcom on TBS.

Oh yes, but I'm talking in circles again...

Office Two, wouldn't it be such fun to have a Shining Star of the Month?! Granted, it wouldn't be something for everyone...even in Office One it was just a game a group of us played; I mean, clearly, certain people were never going to get it. It didn't really grant the Star any special treatment, and nine times out of ten you hated the picture of yourself that was attached to the damn thing, but it still served a purpose: a light-hearted haha look at us we're acting like
ten-year-olds again and kinda loving every second of it...

So I will be handing out the above forms for some of you to fill out at your earliest convenience...then we'll go from there! So fun, right?

xo.

Ms. Paunts.

Re: Popcorn.

I hate popcorn.

There was once a time when the smell of popcorn kicked my nostalgia into overdrive as I recalled memories of going to see E.T. and Return of the Jedi for the first time, but those days are long gone. I used to, occasionally, when I owned a microwave, cook up a bag, douse it with way too much salt until my lips puckered from dehydration, and man did I love it! However the events that have occurred in this office over the past two weeks have changed any craving I will ever have for popcorn again.

A great big 'thank you' goes out to Ali, the ring leader of this new afternoon snack obsession. In a quest to both satisfy her growling belly at 3pm EVERYDAY, and to keep her boss in the know of what popcorn cooking devices are most efficient (apparently, this is what we're giving clients this holiday season), Ali has been popping kernels daily since the week of Halloween. I've begun to dread 3pm: with her current popcorn cooking gear in hand, Ali creeps on over to the kitchen where she cooks a mass amount for herself, the Mean Girls and Joey. Everyday. Sometimes twice a day. It's infuriating! The smell is driving me fucking batty - it's like fingernails on a GD chalkboard - DO YOU HEAR ME, ALI?!

So this is where I'm going to beg: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me one day of peace! One day without popcorn! If you can do this for me, then Balthazar cookies for all! Well, for Ali anyway, and after Friday, because I'm broke until then...

Thanks in advance.

xo.

Mandy.

Stupid Coworkers Quote of the Day.

Stupid Coworker: "What did you do this weekend?"

Me: "Saw a movie and stuff. I've never seen so many people walk out of a movie before!"

Stupid Coworker: "You're lying!"

Me: "No, I'm not. It was really that bad."

Stupid Coworker: "Oh, I thought you meant they walked out because you were there!"

Me: "No, Ali. I'm not that repulsive, thanks."

Stupid Coworker's Quote(s) of the Day.

Me: "Why do you look so glum today?"

Stupid Coworker: "What? What's that? Glum? What does that mean?"

Me: "You don't know glum? It's like melancholy...so why do you look so melancholy today?"

Stupid Coworker: "What's that? I've never heard of that word either!"

Me: "You're kidding me, right?"

Stupid Coworker: "Well, we're not all English majors who know those kinds of words..."

Me: "Those kinds of words? They're like basic everyday standard conversation words!"

Stupid Coworker: "Not if I haven't heard of them."

Addictive Impulse Messaging.

stkhmSyndrm81: oh, Cliff’s lil’ intern was pretty awkward today. first she said she dreamed about me.

mandyheartshubbell: oh no! which one is she? long hair one?

stkhmSyndrm81: yeah. I told her I was 19. so then I had to explain to her I was in fact older.

mandyheartshubbell: how old is she?

stkhmSyndrm81: dunno. then she asked me if I had any brothers here, and then where I went to college. I said in Sweden, and she said: that’s not a country, right?

mandyheartshubbell: HAHAHAHA

stkhmSyndrm81: I said no no, it’s a suburb of Switzerland. and we all cracked up except her.

mandyheartshubbell: you’re amazing.

stkhmSyndrm81: she still wasn’t sure what happened, so she googled a map of Sweden.

mandyheartshubbell: poor lil’ thing…she just wants some Swedish lovin’

stkhmSyndrm81: yeah, she even lent me her Metro card today…we’re practically engaged.

mandyheartshubbell: wow. all this time you’ve been looking for a girl who didn’t know Sweden was a country, and you finally found her…

stkhmSyndrm81: yeah.

mandyheartshubbell: isn’t she German? shouldn’t she know about other countries in Europe?

stkhmSyndrm81: no no…this is the American intern. but she’s from the Midwest, I believe.

mandyheartshubbell: oh, so she kind of has an excuse…

Jennie Klein's Quote of the Day.

Most of us have been watching the puppies all day. I've even decided to give names to a few...there's Mandy, Mattie, Clifford, Meg and Jennie Klein. I told Jennie Klein she'll know who her puppy equivalent is because he's the one with the purple collar, to which she asked:
"Which one is the purple collar one?"

Re: Awkward Jokes, Bad Jokes.

People:

At Office One (let's call it that going forward, shall we?), I had an unspoken rule (law) that only well-dressed boys were allowed to hang around my desk...this, of course, narrowed down to just two lads, Clifford and Swede. My reason wasn't superficial in anyway (I'm such a liar), but because at that time I had a strong dislike for several others in the office...mainly the self-proclaimed comedians.

Today I was verbally accosted by one such comedian in Office Two...a normally mute, mean, and brooding fella named Adam. Adam is an interesting case...I've, on a few occasions, found him almost attractive, then I come to my senses and realize that it's just confusion on the part of my brain and vagina because of the over-abundance of Jappy girls in the office. I mean, the guy likes football...and he's a guy, not a boy. I like boys. Dorky ones. Dorky boys who read too much and laugh at my bad jokes. But I digress...

So after reprimanding Office Two for your inability to keep the shipping room 'tidy,' I was confronted by Adam and his weak attempt at a funny. I stared at him as he didn't make eye contact (he never does) and babbled out his bad joke. I started swatting at the sky as if a bug were flying in my face, because well, I guess I think of Adam as an annoying fly? I didn't laugh, because I don't believe in throwing people a bone, and instead was so overcome by confusion, that I walked into an open drawer and almost ate it.

The lesson? Very few of us are true comedians, and even less can deliver a joke flawlessly and with impeccable comedic timing, so why bother? I'm already starting to develop a bruise on my shin thanks to Adam and his awkward, pointless joke; and since I'm an avid wearer of skirts and dresses year round, bruised legs are just not something for which I will easily forgive you.

Just keep your jokes to yourself...and unless your wit has been stamped with approval by yours truly, don't come around my part of the office and poison my life with your awkwardness. It's just selfish really...

Good. I'm glad we did this...

Bruised, Battered, and Bitten,

Ms.Paunts.

Stupid Coworker's Quote of the Day.

Stupid Coworker said, "The first thing I thought when Michelle Obama walked on that stage, was 'what was she thinking when she wore that dress'?!"

To which Ali responded, "I know, but she's sooo pretty."

Stupid Coworker's Quote of the Day: Election Day 2008.

At 538pm on Election Day, Stupid Coworker to other Stupid Coworker:

"Who should I vote for? Who did you vote for? I don't know the difference between the two."

(this is also Laura and Joey's direct 'supervisor')

Addictive Impulse Messaging.

cl80G: i'm mad at you.

mandyheartshubbell: why? what did i do now?

cl80G: the fact that you invite Jennie fucking Klein to hang out with your new office people and not me AND she's on email chains!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
you're a JAP now too - turn in your Chucks!

mandyheartshubbell: NO! i invited her because i knew there would be single jewish boys there - you're not dating single jewish boys this season - you have the blue shoe girl!

cl80G: you don't think i'm cool enough to hang out with or be on your email chains.

mandyheartshubbell: you are! you are!

cl80G: so you take Jennie Klein to represent who you are outside the office - YOU ARE A COLDPLAY BOX SET!

mandyheartshubbell: wow. that's cold...even for you.

cl80G: in uggs- a coldplay box set in uggs.

A Slightly Political Email Chain.

Joey: Mandy, Please let us know who were JK’s favorite and least favorite people from Laura’s Halloween party. Thanks in advance.

Mandy: Jennie Klein, please decide on this matter and respond at your earliest convenience. Thanks.

JK: I do not like to be put in such awkward situations, but I am gonna say Laura on this one because she is an amazing host and was really nice to me. Joey, when you do something really nice for me, then you’ll be first on my list (I promise).

Mandy: Laura is an amazing hostESS…she’s a girl, Jennie Klein, not a tranny like that tranny whore who stole my Mrs. Mia Wallace look…

Laura: It was like that tranny ate Mia Wallace, then stole her clothes and went to my party…and then ate all my snacks.

JK: Actually, I was the one who ate all the bean dip. FYI. And since the party, I’ve been dreaming about Jello shots.

Mandy: We should have Jello shots everyday. I’ll make some tonight and distribute them tomorrow amongst the offices.

Laura: Adam invited me to his ‘Election Day party’ which I am clearly not going to, but he had a great idea – blue and red shots, and every time a red state wins you go red and vice versa…JELLO SHOT ELECTION DAY PARTY???

JK: I am hoping I don’t have to drink myself to death tomorrow night. But I want a fun party to go to – it’s going to be a long night.

Laura: Party at my house again!

Joey: But Ali can’t come. She loves Palin and is too cool for this email chain.

JK: Does she really love Palin??? I can’t party with republicans. FYI.

Mandy: She totally does. She had to ‘think’ before she voted…you don’t ‘think’ when it’s Obama vs McCain…you just do it. Like Nike.

Joey: She and her boyfriend who brings over trouble to parties seriously ‘had to think’ about who to vote for – Disgusting. Ali thinks Palin is smart.

Ali: Sorry! I’m just seeing all of this now!!! NO, I do not like Palin (she does have good political fashion sense though – I think she realy pretty) besides that my liking for her is purely superficial I hate to admit. Additionally, stop picking on me!!! Jennie Klein, I am trying to recreate the taco dip so party at my place ASAP!

Joey: And why Ali likes Palin – ‘I think she realy pretty’ --- Enough said

Mandy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ali: Not funny, Manders!

Re: Stalker Stalker.

People:

I usually don't discuss my personal life with my coworkers. Well, at least not while sober...

There are bits of my life that I'm pretty selfish about that I actually keep to myself, all locked up in a lil' place deep inside my heart...the stuff that matters, anyway...

However, we have a stalker situation on our hands...an out of his mind person who should probably be medicated. He has yet to threaten my life, although I've warned people that should I end up dead any time soon, he will be the one to blame, and I've gone so far as to 'leave' my belongings to certain people (Jennie Klein gets my designer dresses, although she'll definitely have to have them taken in; Swede gets my Mac [against his will], my music, and my red couch; my sister gets my shoes; my parents get Hubbell; and so on down the line...).

I like to think I'm pretty difficult to find...even if you Google my name, you only get my Facebook page, some stuff I've written, my days as a college DJ pops up, too, and of course, that super fun article about how I'm part of the 'Trophy Kid' generation...and we're not exactly dealing with a Sherlock Holmes meets Einstein situation. But that being said, this city is very small when it comes down to it...I can't even tell you how often I find myself ducking behind garbage cans and homeless people to avoid someone I've tried to forget.

Multiple mildly threatening and psychotic texts have made me realize that someone has a delusion, and not in a cute Lars and the Real Girl kind of way. I'm not terrified yet, but I'm really not crazy about walking home alone right now, especially since we've turned back the clocks and it's dark at 5pm, so I'm thinking we could start 'The Walk Mandy Home Volunteer Initiative.' Sounds super fun, right? It's really quite easy, we just leave the building at the same time, and I tag-along in whatever direction in which you are headed. If you want, we can talk, although I'm perfectly comfortable in silence; we can even stop along the way for an adult beverage and I can show you some of the texts, and if that doesn't disturb you, I can forward you the emails the next day at work where you can open them and endure the horror of it all.

I want 'The Walk Mandy Home Volunteer Initiative' to be a pleasant experience for all, and a great way for everyone to participate. We could even do old office and new office walks, like one person from each office can do Mondays, then two from the new office on Tuesdays, then maybe one from the old office on Wednesday...either way, I'll let you guys fight over who gets to walk me home which nights. Just email me your after work availability, the amount of time you're willing to commit to the Initiative, and we'll go from there!

Thanks!

xo.Mandy.